Oi f*cks, let’s eat here, it looks nice
Get me the manager
Oh dear, what seems to be the problem sir?
First of all I was greeted with a grimace
Service with a sneer
He don’t want to be here
Second of all I was seated by the window
and the draft was a serious inconvenience
There was lipstick on my glass and it wasn’t mine
We put our order in – I can’t believe the time
This is a shambles, your cook is a heathen
Your carpet is ugly and your veg ain’t in season
My impatience spread like gravy on a tablecloth
And your head looks like it was carved out of a nut
Rory C, well, tell ‘em…
I was waiting in line for 10 whole minutes
This is unacceptable – you’re pushing me to my limits!
“Please don’t raise your voice in here sir
This is a respected establishment,
I’m sure we can sort this out quietly no?”
Oh really? Well that’s a great vase you got there,
It’d be a real shame if something happened to it…
Slipshod, kick it.